Second Chances
by Neverthrive
Summary: Finn has adjusted to his new un-life with Marceline, but now a mysterious new group prepares to resurrect an old foe, threatening to devastate Ooo once more.
1. I'm Not Saying No

**AN: Thank you and hello to anyone reading. As you may have surmised by now, this is indeed the sequal to my first story "The Elder God of Chaos." If you haven't read that one yet and wish to read this one, I advise you to go read the other first. You're brain will thank you for it later. Everything makes perfect sense if you're aware of the events from my previous story, but out of context, this may be confusing.**

**Disclaimer: Hey guess what! I still don't own Adventure Time!**

Chapter 1: I'm Not Saying No...

A year had passed since the coming (and shortly there after going) of the Elder God of Chaos, and for the most part, life in the land of Ooo seemed no worse for ware. Generally speaking, everything seemed the same as before. Un-death, however, had been an entirely new experience for a certain teenage vampire hero. His period of adjustment from mere mortal to creature of the night had been an awkward one, but with the guidence of his mentor and girlfriend, Finn had learned to deal with his new... "Situation." Vampire training wasn't too difficult, after all, Finn had used magical powers on numerous occasions previously.

The part that was the hardest for the hero of Ooo was the hunger. He craved blood, and everywhere he looked he saw plentiful sources of the delicious substance. His iron will and sheer determination kept him from sucumbing to the blood lust that plagues young and inexperienced vampires. What kind of hero would he be if Finn preyed on the very people he'd sworn to protect? Not a very good one, was the answer that came to mind. Despite the fact that his life-style had taken a complete 180, his wardrobe was unchanged. Finn still wore his classic attire and awesome hat, although Marceline had recently been trying to convince him to wear pants.

Finn still went adventuring with Jake, albeit far less frequently. The difference in their sleep scheduals made it difficult for the brothers to see eachother as much as they liked, but the rarity of their adventures together made it more special when they were to occure. It was easier on Jake now, not having to worry as much about his younger brother given the fact that he possessed full blown magical powers too (even if he was still learning to controll them).

By this time, Finn's un-life had settled down enough to where he was pretty comfortable with himself. He couldn't dream of having a better girlfriend than Marceline, and Finn was pretty sure she felt the same towards him. They had a steady life together, each with a fulfilling occupation. Marceline would join him on his adventures occasionally, but Finn never bothered accompanying her to the royal meetings. Too boring and totally not his style, but she understood and accepted that fact.

It was a day, or night rather, like any other, or so it seemed. To Finn though, today was a special one, the day that he put a long thought out plan into action. It would all start with a question, and end with one aswell.

Marceline and Finn were snuggling together on the couch (a couch that replaced the unbearably uncomfortable one they used to have, for Finn still enjoyed sitting without dealing with back pain), watching an old cheesy horror movie. Marceline's legs were curled up onto the couch an her head resting on Finn's chest, who had his arm draped over the elder vampires shoulders. They were simply enjoying being in the presence of one another as they watched a hockey mask wearing zombie chop horny teenagers to bits with a machette. Finn would never admitt it, but the blood and gore of the movie, even if it was fake, made him a little hungry, but being with Marceline gave him the strength to push such thoughts aside.

As the movie concluded, Finn thought the time was right to ignitiate his plan. "Marceline?" he spoke softly but with a noticable importance.

"Hmmm?" she purred while bringing herself even closer to her beloved un-dead counterpart, rubbing her face against his chest.

"Ya wann'a go for a walk? The moon just seems totally math tonight." He was right. Finn had made sure that he made his move on the night of a full moon, to ensure the mood was perfect. Everything had to be just right in order for this to work.

She looked up at him cheefully, "That sounds great Finn! Where to?" she asked while sitting up, straightening herself out.

"Oh you know, just around." He didn't want to reveal the exact destination, that would ruin the surprise. She nodded and with that, they flaoted out of their cozy cave and into the cold, open air of the night. They levitated along, hand in hand, Finn leading her gently to where he would enact the second part of his plan.

"It's beutiful out tonight." she remarked, staring up at the clear sky lit by a giant yellow orb and thousands of tiny spakles.

"Not as beutiful as you." he attempted to be smooth, but that wasn't really Finn's style. Marceline accepted his compliment anyway and flashed him a sweet smile, thanking him for the attempt. As corny as it may have seemed to anybody else, Marceline knew that Finn actually meant every word with every ounce of his being. Above all else, Finn was honest, and that's what she loved about him.

Before too long, they'd reached a cliff overlooking the east shore of Ooo. This was where Marceline had ended her current boyfriend's mortal life to prevent her ex from destroying their homeland. The queen had mixed feelings about this place. On one hand, she put Finn through a lot of pain here, on the other, it was that pain that had saved him and cemented their relationship.

Finn turned to face his girlfriend, "M'lady, this is where you saved my life by ending it. You mean more to me than anything else in the whole flippin' world, and I want to spend the rest of my un-life with you." he said with a deep yet gentle voice. Finn then kneeled down on one knee and presented Marceline with a small box he withdrew from his back pocket. Opening it, he asked "Marceline the Vampire Queen, will you marry me?" He smiled up at her expecting to see complete jovial bliss written on her face and for her to eagerly except his proposal.

Instead, she just sighed. "Finn... This is too soon. We've only been together for like a year now, and that may seem like a long time to you, but to me it feels like last week." Marceline didn't want to hurt her lover, but she just couldn't bring herself to say yes.

"But- but... I thought you loved me, Marcie." his eyes were starting to become wet with tears.

"I do Finn, more than anyone. I just don't think you're ready for the responsiblity of being a king yet. We have a good thing going for us right now, and we don't need to complicate it. I just want us to stay the same for right now." When she saw his expression was unchanged, she added "I'm not saying no... I'm just not saying yes, yet."

His face did soften up a bit, but disapointment held Finn's mouth contorted into a frown. Maceline grasped his hand and led them home without another word. When they arrived, they silently changed into their pajamas and climbed into their bed; they were both fast asleep before the sun rose.

**AN: There's the first chapter for ya. And yes that was most def a Friday the 13'th reference, don't worry, I'll have more pop culture references in future chapters. If you were expecting Marceline to say yes, well I guess that's just too bad. Remember though, this is just the beginning of the story.**


	2. Fistful o Hair n' a Splinter in the Mind

**AN: Thanks, e'rybody who read the first chapter! You guys are a whole bottle of awesome sauce. ****Oh Nos! Rejection! Let's see how Finn deals with it.**

Chapter 2: A Fistful of Hair And a Splinter In The Mind

Finn woke up early the next evening. He crawled out of the puffy purple bed, careful not to disturb his still slumbering sweetheart, and changed into a fresh set of clothes. He pulled his hat on over the blond locks of scraggily hair that covered his head and slipped a light blue shirt over his sickly pale skin. Before leaving the room, he left a note where he once lay. Written sloppilly and littered with errors, it read:

"_Gon out adventurin and stuffs. Gonna see if anny ones in trubble or neads to b reskewed, tha yoosual junk. Be back soonish. Luv Finn_."

Exiting the cave, he drew his custom green and blue umbrella from out of his back pack. Marceline had gotten it for him after realizing her's wasn't quite big enough for two. Ever since he was turned, Finn had always tried to do his adventuring in the sunlight. It brought back memories of his former life, but it also made his tasks more difficult. There was always that added peril of the harmful rays, but that kind of made it more fun. Finn was an adrenaline junkie, he needed excitemnet and the constant threat of the sun looming overhead gave him the rush he craved.

The young vampire was walking about in the dense disiduous forest (Finn still liked to use his feet occasionally, believing some old phrase his brother once told him: 'if you don't use it, you loose it') searching for any evil doers or ne'r do 'ells. Unfortunately, now adays they were few and far between in these parts. There were of coarse the usual places spread around Ooo that always had trouble waiting, but it would take him some time to get there. As tanquill as this forest had become over the past year, he couldn't neglect it; anyone could need assistance at any given time, and it was his job to help anyone who needed it, be it monster slaying or their groceries carried.

The Ice King use to give Finn and his brother a lot of hassle, but he hasn't really been counted as a "foe" in years. Now the big nerd was more like just one of those annoying friends that tag along when they're unwanted. The Ice King had been trying to be a better person overall, and Finn had to respect that. Come to think of it, Finn hadn't seen much of the Ice King in quite some time... Finn thought the reason for the old wizard's less frequent annoyances was that he was scared of the hero now that he'd become a vampire, which was ok by him.

With no action present, Finn was left only with his thoughts; and the memories of the previous night were still fresh in his mind. He thought everything was going great, Marceline seemed like she was all into it. Until he asked her that one particular question, that is. He could still picture the look on her face (the exact opposite of what Finn had been hoping for). At first Marceline looked shocked, which was to be expected, but then her face lost all emotion, and by the end of the conversation he could swear he saw pitty in her eyes.

He pulled out the small purple velvety box and peered at the ring tucked inside. The band itself was made of what Finn thought to be diamond, and the jewel atop was a square of ever shifting hughes of purple and black. He watched as the stone flowed it's inky patterns about itself. The ring seemed perfectly befitting for the queen of vampires, but now he wondered if Marceline would ever choose to wear it.

'Didn't someone tell me that dead girls don't say no? Huh, I guess _they_ were wrong.' Finn thought to himself, sulking in his rejection. 'Naw man, she didn't say no. She just said not right now. Right?' asking one's self questions one doesn't know the answer to is never a good idea. 'She probably just has some committment issues or something. Marceline _did_ say she loved me, so I still got a shot at this. There's no way I'm gonn'a give up that easily!'

His spirits were raised once more, for now at least, but there was still a nagging shred of doubt in the back of his mind. He tried to ignore it, but it was like a splinter in his brain that was too stubborn to remove. Was it really fear of being rejected once more, or was it just a bruise on his understandably large ego? Finn couldn't tell, and simply didn't care either way; he just wanted it to stop.

He put the small box back in his pocket and decided he'd had enough of this drawl and uneventful adventure. Finn had been away from home for a good while now, and it was time for the vampire to return to his queen. Making his way back to the cave, his brain had seemingly automagically begun formulating new plans to convince Marceline into accepting his proposal, but Finn rejected any idea his brain put forth.

'Can't you come up with anything better than that? That kind of crud never works... Except maybe in movies.' he asked his underused greymatter that rattled around inside of his cranium.

'What? My plans were genius! They be super dope, yo.' his brain replied.

'Naw man, they suck hard core. You need to come up with something better to get Marceline to marry me. Why are you so stupid? Some times I wonder why I keep you around at all.' Finn sighed.

'And you think _I'm_ stupid! You're the one arguing with your own brain, ya ding dong!' Finn couldn't think of any comeback to throw at his surprisingly rude brain. Either his brain was completely right, or it wouldn't let Finn think of anything to say just to be a jerk. It was probably the first one.

By the time he reached the home he shared with his girlfriend, the sun had already sank below the horizon and his umbrella tucked away in his pack. Finn walked in through the the front door and bellowed "Marcie, I'm home!"

"You got some 'splainin' to do!" she answered.

"Wait, what? Didn't you find the note I left?" he asked nervously, trying to recount if he'd done anything to upset her.

"Yeah, don't worry about that. It's an old joke. Just nevermind." Marceline walked in from the kitchen to greet him, holding in her hands a bowl filled with strawberries. She placed one between her teeth, drew Finn in close to her, and forced it into his mouth with hers. She pulled back and smiled upon seeing him suck the color from the berry.

"Thanks." he said after plucking the now grey fruit from his fang and returning her smile. Marceline floated over to the couch, sat down and patted the seat next to her, giving Finn a silent invitation to join her. He excepted her invitation, and they watched tellevision while munching on their strawberries peacefully.

Far off in a place much less pleasant than the abode of the two vampire lovers, a dark and damp place filled with the remnants of people from the world that existed before Ooo where the smell of ancient decay and wicked intentions cling in the air, mysterious and dark figures were gathering supplies for their volitile concoction they were brewing. These men were all shrouded in dark clothing and each carried various weapons.

They spilled their gathered ingrediants into a well of boiling chemicals. This ominous group were attempting to do the unthinkable. Their goal was to resurrect the Lich. Only two items remained before this task could be accomplished, the two most essential. The snail that was now carrying the Lich's consciousness, and a more suitbable host for the dark lord. It was only a matter of time before the great and fearful master of death would rise once more.

**AN: Yeah that's right, The Lich is a comin' back. He was a great character, and he needs to be used more. Also, my references in this one; The title for this chapter is actually lyrics from the White Zombie song Electric Head pt. 2: The Exctacy, Dead girls don't say no a is a song by Kung Fu Vampire, and most obviously, the little spoof of the show "I love Lucy." The next chapter is my favorite thus far, and you'll find out why next time! **


	3. Lewd and Lascivious

**AN: Well, here we are. Like I said before, this is my favorite chapter thus far. Why? Because towards the end, it's chalk full of implications and inuendos, but I never once come right out and say what they mean. :)**

Chapter 3: Lewd and Lascivious

It was a new day in the land of Ooo. About a week previous, Finn and Jake had arranged for them to have a meeting between themselves and their respective female counterparts. Just as Finn had predicted, Lady had indeed moved in with his brother not long after he moved in with Marceline. The plan was for them to meet at the tree house in the late after noon, and instead of their usual action filled adventuring, they decided they would just chill out and have a nice relaxing visit.

"Marceline, are you ready to go yet?" hollared Finn, waiting impatiently by the front door of their house. He was getting tired of waiting for his girlfriend, who'd been preparing herself for the last hour or so.

"Keep y'er shirt on dweeb!" came her voice from the bedroom down the hall, "I'm almost done." Marceline had been taking her sweet time in picking out the outfit she'd wear on the uncharacteristicly normal occasion. After a few more moments, she floated into view wearing a solid black dress that reached half way down her thighs and her classic red boots. "How's this look?" she asked, striking a pose.

"You look great Marcie, now let's go!" said the vampire to his queen, rather hurridly.

"Ugh, fine." she huffed. It was plain to see Marceline was annoyed by her boyfriend's lack of concern of her appearance, but she was also aware that they _were_ growing short on time.

Exiting the house, Finn opened up a plus sized umbrella (big enough for the both of them) and held it between himself and Marceline. They flew through the air lazily, making their liesurely trip to the tree house on their own time. Unsurprisingly, they were fashionably late. Upon arrival, the adventurer knocked on the door to what used to be his home with his free hand. From the other side of the door they heard Jake's familiar voice acknowlage their arrival.

"Yeah hold on, I'm coming." chimed the dog. Within seconds the door was opened revealing the magical canine, looking rather pleased that his guests had made it without too much delay. "Hey guys, come on in! We've been waiting all day!" he exclaimed, looking up at the vampires.

"Oh yeah. Sorry about that. Marceli-" he stopped mid sentence upon seeing her glare. "I mean _we_ took a while getting ready." Finn looked to his girlfriend seeing if she accepted his altered excuse. She gave an approving nod and walked into the house. With that Finn began his difficult task of of walking through the door while simultaneously closing his exceedingly large umbrella and dodging the sunlight all the while.

Jake led them to the living room where their hostess was already seated. Jake, or more likely Lady Rainicorn, had prepared trays of finger food sprawled out over the coffee table. However, none of the food appeared to be red which seemed surprisingly inconsiderate of the hosting couple.

"Eh-hem..." Jake cleared his throat, "Lady, do you mind?" he asked eyeballing the snacks, gently reminding his girlfriend of their guests' disposition.

"Oh, yes of coarse." she said slightly embarassed (and surprisingly in english). Lady then pointed her horn down at the plates and turned the food red.

"Wow. I should really hang out with you more often." Marceline stated after seeing the rainicorns colorful feat. "That's a pretty awesome power you have there, almost makes me jealous."

"Oh, why thank you. It's nothing special really. All rainicorns have the abillity to change the colors of objects." she said modestly.

"Uh, when'd you get a new universal translator Lady? And why's this one actually sound like... You?" asked Finn.

"Oh, I got that for her. If we're gonn'a chill with eachother, everbody should understand what everyone esle is saying. Ya feel me. Besides, when I have to translate for yous guys it feels like you're listening to me have a conversation with myself. And that's just weird, man." Jake made a good point; when Lady couldn't be understood, it almost felt like she wasn't there at all. Finn did enjoy Lady's company, so it was nice to actually register the words that she spoke.

"Do take a seat. There's so much for us to catch up on." They did as Lady said and sat beside one another in a love seat facing toward the other couple.

"So." Marceline drawled out while picking up a red finger sandwitch, "What've you two been up to lately?" she asked casually, trying to start up the conversation.

"I've been thinking of what to get my bro for his birthday!" said Jake enthusiastically. "I know it's still a ways away, but I want to top last years present. I'ma find something as super cool and awesome as me!" he seemed confident in his statement.

"Dude, that new sword you got me last year was flippin' algerbraic! There's no way you're gonn'a find something cooler than that." Finn said in disbelief.

"You just wait homie. You're gonn'a be all like _'Awe man, this is the dopest thang I eva seen! Besides you Jake. You're such a rad dude. And awesome too!'_" he finnished his impression of his brother who just gave a sarcastic laugh. "Anyways, what'd you give Finn for his birthday, Marceline?" The dog turned his attention to the oldest being in the room.

"Well, I didn't so much _give_ him anything. It was more like I_ took something away._" she said with a naughty smirk.

Finn knew exactly what she was refering to and blushed wildly. "Marcie! You shouldn't talk about that kind of stuff in public! That's our private bizz..." he squeaked nervously.

"Oh, I'm sorry Finn. Am I embarassing you?" she teased. Finn just stared down at his feet, too ashamed of their secrets being disclosed to look anyone else in the room in the eye.

"Haha!" Jake laughed, "My bro gone done become a man! Wait, that's actually kind of gross when you stop and think about it... Marceline!" he gasped and pointed a finger at her dramatically, "You're a cradle robber!"

"What? No way! We're like the same age!" she huffed indignantly.

"But I thought you were over a thousand years old. Are you not?" Lady asked, now obviously confused.

"I am, but I'm still the same seventeen year old I was when I got turned. And besides, I don't see how age matters. Love is love." Marceline said with a shrug.

"I don't want to hear your excuses for performing lewd and lascivious acts on my little borther. No matter what way you cut it, it's still down right creepy... You vam-pedo." he crossed his arms trying to look tough, but everyone saw beyond the facade and realized Jake was just messing around.

Marceline chuckled, "Well, I give you credit dawg. I've never been called _that_ name before."

"Ugh... What does lu-sivi-us mean?" asked Finn, attempting to mouth the alien word. He felt a little lost in translation because he was unfamiliar with the terms being thrown around. "And vam-pedo?"

Marceline stifled a laugh and covered her grin with one hand. "I'll tell you later, kiddo."

"I'm not a kid! I'm Finn the vampire dude, and I'm 100% manly!" he said while puffing out his chest, trying to make himself look as macho as possible.

"You sure are." his girlfiend said while leaning closer."I'm totally gonn'a teach you the meaning of lascivious when we get home. I'm so glad your a 'hands on' learner." she emphasized by placing a hand on Finn's leg, but he was too oblivious to pick up on her devious tone.

While the pair of couples continued their engaging conversation, a group of darkly clothed men searched through a field in the fading sunlight. The subject of their search was notoriously hard to locate; only seen briefly in random places, then disapearing until it popped up again somewhere the next week.

"Over here!" one of the men called, indicating he'd found what they had been looking for. The small green snail glared up at the men, but was surprised when they bowed to him, showing respect. The snail allowed one of the mysterious men to scoop him off of the grassy plaine and hold him in their palm.

"We've been sent to bring you back to the well of power. Are you coming willingly?" the cloaked man asked in a deep voice. The snail merely smiled deviously, showing his willingness to cooperate.

**AN: Next chapter we'll get into some action, which honestly will be a first for me. I've haven't yet written a fight seen, so it'll be interesting to see how it turns out. The only pop culture reference in this one was a paraphrased Deadpool line, "Nice scooter, freak!" "It's a motor bike! It's 100% manly." **


	4. Tender Moments

**AN: First of all, thank you to everybody that read/reviewed/favorited/alerted any of my stories. Any support is appreciated. I'm gonn'a put the T rating of this story to use in this chapter. (suggestive language, violence, and cussin'!)**

Chapter 4: Tender Moments

Finn's brain had finally put together an acceptable plan; he would take Marceline out on a romantic date at a high end resteraunt and propose to her once again. It wasn't a perfect plan, but it was worth a shot. Maybe she'd softened up to the idea of marriage, having had a few days to mull it over now. So Finn, after asking around about the fanciest and most expensive eateries in Ooo, made reservations for a (very) late dinner at a classy five star resteraunt on the outskirts of the Candy Kingdom.

When Marceline was told she was being taken on a surprise date, she seemed to think it was a great idea. So far, so good. Finn could find no indication that his girlfriend saw through his scheme. As far as he could tell, Marceline thought the entire purpose of the date was just to have an awesome time with eachother, which was a big part of it, just not the main reason.

So Finn prepared himself for his formal dinner, even going as far as buying and expensive suit and tie. He didn't much care for how it fit him, the pants were restricting and the tie made him feel like he was being strangled by a pixie (not too tight, but still uncomfortable). But it didn't matter, as long as he looked good for his Marcie. The box that contained the precious engagement ring was stashed away inside his suit coat, awaiting for the time it would be presented to its intended wearer.

"Wow Finn, you actually look kind of dashing. I think it's the pants." complemented Marceline stepping into their bedroom to get her first look at what he looked like in a suit (the awesome hat remained). She was wearing a strappless purple dress with matching heels and a small black purse held in one hand. "Are we ready?"

"Yes, m'lady." Finn answered and extended an elbow out to her.

She slung the purse onto her shoulder then looped her arm through his, linking elbows. "Then what are we waiting for? Let's do this thang!" she exclaimed, and then they were gone into the night, flying in the general direction of the Candy Kingdom.

Before long, the brightly colored round building was in their sights. Finn, trying to be as gentlemenly as possible, held the door open for his un-life partner. As soon as the vampires entered, they were ushered to their table, esteemed citizens such as themselves shouldn't be kept waiting after all. The whole experience felt foreign to Finn; it was all too hoity toity and he didn't like being given special treatment. He was Finn, just another dude, not some pampered snobb.

Looking around the room, there seemed to be a few more people than he was expecting. Being so late, he thought the place would be near deserted. Either the noctunal community was larger than he'd given it credit, or gossip hungry citizens from around Ooo just wanted to watch the two highly regarded individuals on their date, hoping to catch of glimpse of some juicy news they could spread around. Vultures...

Their candy waitor came and gave them their menues and withdrew a notepad and pen. He was a stout and stern looking french bon-bon who spoke with an accent.

"And what may I get for zhe lovely couple zhis night?" he asked politely.

"Uhm... Pretty much anything red, I guess. Raw steak, lobster, maybe some marinara sauce. Oh, and red wine!" Finn listed off his perculiar order while the waitor scibbled it down on his notepad.

"Of what quality would monsieur like his wine?"

"I'dun'o." Finn said with a shrug. "Suggestions?"

"Will a bottle from zhe top shelf suffice?"

"Sure, why not." And with that, the candy frenchmen disapeared to fetch their order.

"Finn, when you said somplace fancy, I thought you meant like a pizzaria. This must be costing you a fortune." Marceline commented, now realizing just how far Finn had gone for her.

"It is, but I'd spend all the gold in Ooo and more for you." He gave her a loving grin and clasped her hand in his. Marceline was truly touched, somewhere deep down inside her cold dead heart, she felt something warm and fuzzy, but that may have just been indigestion.

"You're too sweet Finn."

"Nothing's too good for my queen." They leaned in over the table and their lips met somewhere in the middle. Finn could feel a couple dozen or so eyes on him, but he didn't want to make a scene of it. "You feel like we're being watched Marcie?" he asked pulling back slightly, but keeping his eyes closed and his face near hers.

"Yeah, pretty much every monday around 8-ish."

"No, I mean right now." he elaborated.

"Finn, we're like the most powerful couple in Ooo. Of course people are gonn'a watch us." she tried to explain.

"That's friggin' creepy. I don't want people stalking us." he grumbled.

"They're not stalkers, they're called paparazzi, now get over it and kiss me." He did as he was instructed, trying to push aside the thought of the room full of rubber neckers.

At that point, the candy waitor returned with their wine. "Here you are." he said filling two glasses for them. "I will be back wizh monsieur and mademoiselle's food shortly." and then he disapeared once more.

Finn eyeballed his wine, "Can we actually drink this stuff, or do we just suck the color out?" he asked, swishing the contents of the glass around.

"You should drink it, it's more fun that way. Makes you feel all warm and tingly inside."

"But you make me feel warm and tingly, Marcie. Rotten grape juice could never make me feel as good as you do."

"As much as I appreciate them, you may as well quit it with the pick-up lines. I'm already yours and you can have me any time you want." she said seductively, locking her cold hands around Finn's. The not-so-pure-anymore boy's face grew three shades redder than the wine, but lost all rememberence of the dirty birdy thoughts in his head when he looked upon Marceline's face and found himself lost in her eyes. Their gazes were intertwined with eachother in silent passion, but the beutiful moment they were sharing was interupted by muffled "Awwes" of the on-looking gawkers.

Finn suddenly turned around to face the small crowd of people watching his personal bizz. His eyes narrowed and he opened his mouth to shout some vulgarities at them, but before he had the chance, the window nearest their table bursted inward, showering the vampires with shards of glass. Shocked, Finn turned to see four darkly garbed men stepping in through the broken window, all holding a blade of some sort.

"Geez, don't you guys know how to use a door?" Finn asked, not sure if he should attack or instruct them how to properly enter a building. The men remained silent and aproached the queen and the hero, who were now brushing off the broken glass from themselves. The man in the front, who possesed a claymore held with both hands, raised his weapon above his head and brought it crashing down through their table, splintering it in two.

"Hey man, watch where ya swingin' tha-" Finn's sentence was cut off while dodging the sword, trying to prevent his head from suffering the same fate as his words.

"I'm pretty sure these guys aren't here to chat, Finn." stated Marceline while reaching into her purse, then through some form of magic or another, she pulled out her axe-bass from within it. Gripping the weapon with both hands now, she swung at the romantic-dinner-intruder. He quickly stepped back and blocked the edge of Marceline's axe with the flat of his claymore, which caused a risidual chord to vibrate from the musical weapon. Finn then joined the fight, seeing the other men moving in. The hero (not having his sword handy) ripped a leg from the shattered table and thrusted the pointed end toward the nearest foe, who quickly evaded. Finn followed by swinging the makeshift club at the cloaked man, missed once more, but finnally connected with a punch to the face.

The second man stumbled back into the first who was still dueling Marceline, giving her a momentary advantage which she didn't delay in taking. while her oponent was thrown off ballance, she stomped on his foot, digging in with the heel of her stilletto. The intruder dropped his claymore, screaming in agony, but was silenced by a jaw shattering uppercut. Finn seeing two of the men down, struck them both with his weapon, ensuring they'd stay that way.

The vampires turned their attention to the two remaining men, who were now advancing. Finn leapt into the air and brought the table leg down upon the cranium of one of his foes, while the other siezed the opurtunity to attack. Finn felt the dagger's blade tear through his back, ripping his suit and leaving a large gash in his pale flesh.

Upon seeing her beloved boyfriend injured, Marceline screamed in rage. "What the fuck do you think you're doing?" she shreiked. The ancient vampire flew in and swung her axe down, knocking the blade out of the cloaked man's hand. The next swing came down on his head, forcing him to the floor with the flat of her axe. Marceline then placed her spike like heel on the cowaring man's temple. "_Nobody_ hurts my boyfriend but _me!_" She thrust her foot downward, her shoe puncturing his skull. Now all was silent, save for the soft footsteps of Finn coming to his queen's side.

"Well _that_ killed the romantic mood..." she said, panting from her rage.

"Don't you think that was a little harsh, Marcie?" he questioned, refering to the lifeless man at her feet.

"Are you ok, Finn?" she ignored his inquiry, more concerned with his wellbeing, while placing her axe-bass back into her purse.

"Yeah, it's just a scratch." he winced. "But I think the suit's ruined."

She wrapped her arms around him, careful not to touch his wound. "I'll get you a new one." she whispered softly, comforting her injured lover.

The remaining crowd, who had been watching the fight as if it were entertaining, aplauded and cheered for the victorious couple. Finn scowled over Marceline's shoulder. "Do you mind? We're trying to have a tender moment here!" he yelled at them. With the audience now silent, Marceline and Finn continued with their pleasant hug.

**AN: Just thought I should mention, this was the longest chapter and would have been even longer, but I cut some out. It also felt pretty damn sappy in some sections, but hey whatever. PS. French people don't make a 'th' sound when they speak, they replace it with 'z,' thought I should clear that up.**


	5. The Merc and His Mouth

**AN: I had some fun with this one, but then again, I have fun writing pretty much every chapter. :D What time is it? Scary Marceline Time!**

Chapter 5: The Merc and His Mouth

Marceline was the first to break away from the hug, realizing they still had buissness to attend to. She turned to one of the surviving intruders and scooped the unconscious man up off the floor by the front of his shirt. He awoke after a series of none too gentle slaps across his cloaked face. Opening his eyes, his first waking view was that of a very pissed off Vampire Queen who was uncomortably close to his face.

"Who sent you? Marceline grinded out through gritted teeth.

"Why should I tell you something like that? The only way I see me getting out of this is like that guy over there." he said motioning to the lifeless corpse laying not too far away.

"No." she spat venomously, "I could make it a lot worse. If I wanted, you could suffer for an eternity; turn you into a vampire and have you burried in a vault full of nothing but garlic. Maybe I'd just peel the skin from your meat and soak you in lemon juice. I _could_ do that, but I won't if you tell me what I want to know." Marceline's eyes were burning with intense otherworldy flames, either to intimidate the helpless man she held above the floor or simply out of anger.

The nameless man had never put much thought into a fate worse than death before, but now all his mind could think of were such scenarios. He was able to except his death like a man, but this pain he was being offered now was a more than adiquate incentive to loosen up his lips. "Calm down you psycho bitch, I'll spill!" he said nervously.

Hearing this insult thrown at his girlfriend, Finn moved in, picking up an abandoned sword from the floor and placed the blade to the nameless man's throat. "If you ever speak to her like that again, you will never sit down comfortably for the rest of your miserable life. Do you follow?" Finn growled, threatening to shove the blade in a most uncomfortable place, and he didn't mean the back seat of a voltswagon.

"You're so sexy when you're mad." purred the queen before putting on her serious face. "But seriously Finn, I got this. Just make sure the other two stay down, K?" Finn reluctantly withdrew the blade from the man's throat and moped away to take up the less exciting job of baby sitting the knocked out men. "Now," she turned back to the nameless man being dangled above the ground in her hand. "You were saying?"

"I don't actually know who hired us..." he said slowly, fearful that his answer wasn't good enough.

"Hired?" Marceline raised an eyebrow, her curiosity piqued.

"Well yeah, we ain't doing this for fun. We're mercenaries. Soldiers for cash, know what I mean?"

"Of coarse I know what a mercenary is, you condescending prick! I'm looking at one who's dangerously close to getting his throat ripped out. So someone hired you to kill us? I would think they'd send a proffesional assassin instead of you goons. Honestly, I'm a little insulted." she said feigning emotional hurt.

"Don't be, we were never meant to kill you, just keep you bussy." he said less shakily now.

And so the plot thickened. "So you were a diversion. From what?"

"While we attacked you, a squadron of guys was sent after some old giant. Crazy guy's been living in a friggin' cave, you believe that? But I guess he's suppose to be a tough old chud 'cause they sent about 15 men after him." He squinted behind the veil that covered his face, trying to recall all the details.

This answer didn't sit too well with Marceline. They were being played, and these pawns didn't seem to have the big answers. "Why did they take the giant? What's so important about Billy?" she drew her free hand back and curled it into a fist, threatening to unleash it upon the mercenary's face if he didn't come up with the answer quick enough.

"He was on the list!" the merc said hastily, not wanting a mouthful of knuckles. "We were gathering stuff for whoever hired us. I don't know what it's all for, but everything was brought to some hole in the ground with a giant boiling vat at the bottom."

Finn overheard this and suddenly the peices fell together inside of his head. It all just clicked, and he was terrified by the realization. "They're reviving the Lich!" he screatched. Both the interogater and interogatee turned their heads to look at him, surprised by his outburst. "What else was on that list, chemicals and junk?" he questioned the merc, stepping closer now.

"Yeah, actually. Uranium, iodine, sulpheric acid... You know, lady suff." he answered with a shrug.

"Are you guys seriously that stupid? You're trying to raise the Lich!" Marceline exclaimed.

"Well yeah, I guess so. I'd do pretty much anything for cash... And I do mean _anything_." said the merc suggestively while Marceline simply face palmed herself.

"I have a boyfriend guy." she pointed out the fact which should have been painfully obvious by now.

"Yeah, I'm kind of standing right here!" Finn chimed in, annoyed that some low-life was trying to put the moves on his girl.

"Besides. I don't pay my hookers when I'm done with them anyways." she added playfully.

"That's theft of service lady. We have a union for that! And by union, I mean pimp."

"You're lucky I don't strangle you." the vampire queen retorted.

"You know, I might just like that. Wann'a give it a try?" he asked, smirking behind the dark cloth.

"Grawd! You're disgusting!" Marceline turned away and dropped the mercenary to his feet.

"Pff, don't lie to yourself, darlin'. You know you want my hot bod." he motioned at his torsoe. "So anyways, I get to live right?"

"Well," she started to answer, a malicious smile growing on her face. "I'll leave that up to Finn, but I don't think he likes the way you've been hitting on me, and he's emotionally unstable right now..." Marceline turned to her boyfriend, awaiting his decision.

"Let's just get out of here. We got better things to do than to waste any more time with this loser." he answered, fully aware of how dire the situation was.

"A'ight, that's cool with me. So I'm just gonn'a grab my stuff and go. See you dudes later." he said thankfully, preparing to leave.

"Oh, and one more thing." said Marceline, walking closer to the mercenary. "There's nothing wrong with living in caves, you prick!" She then delivered a swift kick to his boingloins and flew out the window with Finn in toe, cackeling while the merc doubled over in pain.

While flying though the night air, Finn decided to get some things off of his mind, "Marceline... You haven't ever really bought a hooker, have you?" he asked, fearing the asnwer.

"First of all, you don't _buy_ a hooker, you rent them. Second, no, of coarse not! Do you really think I'm that sleazy?" she asked, a little hurt by his indirect accusation.

"I know you're not sleazy Marcie, but you know how I get when you talk about other guys like that." Finn tried explaining.

"Awe, you're so sweet. Getting jealous of hookers I've never been with." she teased.

It was about a quarter after four in the morning when the vampires were in close proximity to the Lich's lair. They stopped far enough away to scout out the area without being spotted. Marceline was once again armed with her family axe and Finn still possesed the sword he 'borrowed' from one of he unconscious mercenaries.

"I see at least thirty dudes over there." stated Finn, reporting the rough number of men guarding the entrance.

"And that's just the one's above ground. There could be hundreds below, who knows?" replied Marceline.

"So what's our plan? Full frontal assault, devide and conquer, or should we try going all stealth like? You know, ninja style!" He made hand motions emphasizing the word 'ninja.'

"Hmmm." she said contemplating, "Let's see what they're packing first, I don't want to decide on a plan only to run into any surprises mid fight. Does it look like they have any guns?" she asked, squeezing her finger on an invisible trigger.

"You mean those metal tubey things that shoot out bullets? Yeah, I think some of them have 'em." he answered, scoping out the mercenaries once more.

"Crap." she moaned. Bullets may not be able to kill vampires, but they still hurt like hell, and enough of them could definitely knock them out. "Finn, I think we're gonn'a need help." Marceline said with a sigh, seeming sorry she had to say it at all.

"We don't have time for that Marcie. The suns gonn'a be up in like two hours, plus we have to do this now, or they might kill Billy!" Finn tried to reason, wishing to rush in now.

"I know Finn, but don't worry. We're not going anywhere." she said calmly.

"Then how the bloop are we getting help? You're confusing me woman!" He raised his voice in frustration, not so much at her, more like at his inabillity to understand what she's talking about.

"Just watch."

**AN: More dirty implications! I think I was a little clearer in this one, but I'm sure it's still pretty tame. The title of this chapter is a reference to the comic book character Deadpool, who is also known as the merc with a mouth. The interogation was slightly inspired by Watchem, there's enough paralels if you look closely. Also, there was a Mallrats reference in there! ****So who's Marceline going to call on for help? Wait and see!**


	6. My One Basic Function

**AN: So yeah, the merc was fun to write. I'm gonn'a be going a littel deeper into a pretty much undeveloped character this chapter. First half is pretty diologue heavy, but there's a good amount of action towards the end.**

Chapter 6: My One Basic Function

Marceline picked up a nearby twig and drew something in the dirt. The symbol looked like eight arrows arranged like the spokes of a wheel, each pointing outward. She then put her thumb to her mouth, puncturing her dead digit with her fang, and squeezed a few drops of blood into the center of the strange dirt doodle. Finn was expecting her to mutter some ancient incantation next, but instead she simply said "Larry, get your ass over here."

And on que, there he appeared before them, in a puff of smoke and flame bringing the smell of brimstone. He looked down at the same two vampires he'd seen on his last trip to Ooo, with a confused look on his face that matched Finn's.

"What the hell is he doing here?" cried Finn, now recalling his near death experience a year prior.

"_That_ is a very good question." agreed the Elder God. "Care to explain, Marceline? Nice suit by the way, kid." he pointed to Finn's formal wear, but never removing his gaze from the Vampire Queen.

"We need your help, Larry." she said bluntly. "Besides, you owe me." her eyes narrowed now.

"For what?" he shouted. "I let you keep your land _and_ your newest boy-toy! I didn't even get to destroy anything. It sounds more like you owe me." he gave a huff showing his dissapointment over the lack of carnage he caused.

"He's not my toy, he's my un-life partner, and now because of you he's a friggin' vampire!"

"Now is that really so bad?" Larry sneared.

"You've known me long enough to answer that question yourself Larry." she retorted.

"I know a lot of things you think to be true; just because you believe it doesn't make them so. Being born a mortal, your view is skewed. You've been gifted, not cursed, now if only you could open your eyes and see that." Larry wasn't usually one to be insulting, and even though it sounded to Marceline he was now, she felt there was some underlying message in his words. "If only you could see just how good you've got it, you'd stop denying your own happiness." Larry shook his head slowly.

She knew he was definitely talking about something more than her vampirism now, but she couldn't figure out what. Marceline was frustrated by her ex talking in riddles, but she had to maintain herself if he was ever to agree to assist them. "Will you please stop lecturing me and help us get into that hole?" she pointed toward the guarded entrance. Marceline tried to sound calm, but also needed to force her point of urgency.

"Oh, I don't know Marceline. It doesn't seem like my place to interfere. Maybe you should have called up the Elder God of Order; he's a real rule breaker that one."

Finn had remained silent through most of this conversation. He didn't like Larry. He didn't like the way he talked to Marceline, and he hated the fact that she resorted to him for help. It wasn't so much that Larry was a bad guy (when it came down to it, he really wasn't), but it was the fact that he dated Marcie, _Finn's_ Marcie, for 50 years. The dude was a god, literally! How was Finn suppose to compete with that? The Queen was currently with Finn, and the jealous vampire was damn sure going to do everything in his power to keep it that way, and his lover out of the clutches of Larry.

"C'mon, can't you just help an old friend out? For old time's sake." Marceline pleaded.

"I didn't know we were considering ourselves friends now." stated the god with false kindness. "Last time I checked, you seemed to hate me. Now what was that last thing you said to me when we broke up? Oh yeah, something along the lines of 'Get your useless face out of my sight you cold hearted douche bag!' That doesn't sound very friendly, now does it?" Larry looked pleased with how obviously annoyed Marceline was now.

"It's not my fault that you don't give a shit about anything!" she snapped at him. "I mean look, right now's a pretty prime example of that fact. I'm asking you for help and all you can do is mock me!" driving her point in even deeper.

"It's not that I don't care, it's that I have priorities." Larry explained in a failed attempt to deffend his actions. Finn was witnessing his girlfriend defeat a god in arguement, but given her track record, it didn't come as much of a surprise to him.

"That's the lamest excuse I've ever heard! You have priorities? Like what?" Marceline inquired harshly, raising her voice once more.

"Blowing stuff up, mostly. It's kind of my whole shpeel." he said nonchalantly, then his tone grew more serious. "I'm _the _natural force of destruction, and for 50 fucking years _you_ held priority over my one basic function. Shouldn't that tell you I cared?" All three were now dead silent. Larry's eyes were fixated on Marceline's, while her gaze shifted from his to Finn's.

"Fine. I'm sorry." Marceline apologised. "So if you _ever_ actually cared about me, will you please just help us now?"

"You get to blow stuff up!" Finn added.

Larry's face lit up. "Well, why didn't you just say so? I've been really bored this past year, but I think this will ease my pain." he said while looking upon the unsuspecting mercenaries.

"What are you gonn'a do?" questioned his ex.

"My job." he stated with no emotion before strolling down into the clearing. "Wait for the signal." he called back to the couple who remained hidden.

"What signal?"asked Finn, turning to Marceline.

"I have no idea, but we'll probably know it when we see it." she answered.

Larry made his way down to the perimeter of the guarded area, and was stopped by two armed mercs.

"Where do you think you're going? Can't you see this whole area is closed off? I mean c'mon! We put signs up and everything!" said the one to the right, pointing out a nearby 'Keep Out' sign.

"Now turn back around and get your cheap ass suit out of my view, I got guarding to do." instructed the second.

"Cheap? Well sir, your insult will make this all the more enjoyable... For me at least." retorted the strange man in a suit standing before the two men.

"You got any idea what this guy's on about?" said the man to the left, questioning the one on the right.

"Not a clue. Let's smoke 'im!" he replied to his partner, now raising his firearm.

"Yes, let's!" said Larry gleefully as he melted their weapons in their hands. He then put a hand on each of the shocked merc's shoulders and they instantaneously turned to ash. "Well now, that wasn't very much fun. I suppose I'll just go have to find some more play mates." The god advanced toward three more men. Seeing this intuder advance, the men were now firing rounds at Larry, who remained wholey unscathed and ignited the attackers with a snap of his fingers.

Now shots were being fired sparatcially in every which direction, the burning men having no controll as their bodies invulantarily sought to find some way to sooth their agony. The remaining mercenaries, hearing the sound of gunfire, sounded the alarm. A blaring red light flooded the area, accompanied by the sound of a whailing siren. As the rest of the mercenaries turned their weapons to the god, Larry summoned pillars of flame about him, sealing himself away in the towering form of a burning man. A hail of bullets were fired at the inferno, but the lead only melted in the otherworldly flames. The Elder God of Chaos raised his foot and brought it crashing down onto the men, crushing some and burning more with the concussive blast of billowing heat. As the slaughter continued, dozens of guards came rushing out of the subway tunnel and joined in the struggle.

Marceline and Finn, hearing the siren, took this as their signal and flew down to the site of the very one sided fight. The vampires started swinging their weapons at the preocupied mercs, but Larry had other plans for the couple.

"You two!" he beckoned to them from an opening in the flame giant's chest. "I have this covered topside. While these guys are distracted with me, get yourselves down there and do whatever it is you need to." Larry ordered while still attacking the hopelessly outmatched men. "Hurry!"

Finn was never one to take orders, least of all from someone he didn't much like, so he ignored Larry's intructions and continued to fight the mercenaries.

"C'mon Finn, we're going now!" called Marceline.

"But shouldn't we just stay and fight? I mean, there's so many of them!" he remarked, regarding the sheer quantity of pure cannon fodder.

"Lary says he's got this, now move!" she grabbed hold of his wrist and quickly dragged him down within the dark hole and away from the battle.

**AN: So yeah, we're all getting to know Larry a little better now. A few things I feel I should mention: The doodle Marceline drew in the dirt was actually the symbol of chaos. Fitting, right? Also, I don't know if anybody already guessed this yet or not, but Larry's kind of based on the Egyption god of chaos, Apophis. Apophis is also a giant meteor that has like a .33% chance of destroying the world in 2033 or something like that. **


	7. The Punchline

**AN: This chapter has the big reveal. Everything will become clearer in the end. There's also humor and action, so hell yeah! Two more chapters still to come, so don't worry too much about this ending.**

Chapter 7: The Punchline

Marceline dragged Finn down into the Lich's lair and away from the ongoing massacre on the surface.

"Oh, come on Marcie! That looked like a great time back there!" Finn whined once being let loose from his queen's grasp.

"We came here fo a reason Finn, remember?"

"Oh yeah. So where are we going?" his eyes searched through the dank tunnels, looking for a path to follow.

"How should I know? I've never been here before, but you have." she stated ever so accurately.

"Well last time I kind of just went... Down..." Finn mumbled thoughtfully.

"That's helpful. Let's get going then." she said with a sigh then floated off to look for an entrance to a lower level.

"Hey, wait up! This place gives me the creeps." Finn made a face at the disgusting moldy floors.

"You want me to hold your hand?" Marceline asked teasingly, but was surprised when Finn eagerly accepted her sarcastic offer. "You're such a whimp." she laughed.

"Yeah, but I'm your whimp and you love me!" he replied now gliding along with her in her search.

"I guess I do, not sure why though." she poked at him with her free hand and stuck a forked tongue out at him.

"That's not very nice. I'm already insecure with my emotions, you don't need to make me feel worse." Finn frowned.

"Ok, I'm sorry! I'm already holding your hand, what else do you want from me?" Marceline grumbled.

"A kiss." he stated slyly. Marceline rolled her eyes, but obliged him anyway and a goofy grin spread across the young vampire boys face.

"Better?" she asked, wanting to get on with the task at hand.

"Totally." Finn answered.

"Ya know, some times it feels more like I'm your mom than your girlfriend." Marceline complained of the hero's immaturity.

"Well _technically_, you're way old enough to be..." It was now Finn's turn to take a verbal jab at her, but for his joke he recieved a swift fist to the shoulder and a scornful scowl. "Ow. It was just a joke!" he whined while rubbing his shoulder.

"Well it needed a punchline, Now come on." Marceline led the way down an ancient corridor and after various twists, turns and dead ends, they reached a room with a gaping hole in the floor. Looking down through to the lower level, they noticed more mercenaries had stayed behind to continue guarding the lair. "Damn it." Marceline cursed under her breath. She was nearly certain they wouldn't run into any opposition down here, not while they were being attacked by destruction incarnate on the surface. "Ok, there's five dudes down there. They don't know we're here, so we strike fast, they fall hard. Got it?" she whispered to Finn.

"I'm totally down with blitzkrieg, let's go bop 'em on the head!" he nodded.

"Alright..." Marceline replied, readying her axe. "On pi; 1, 2, 3, 3.14." The vampires silently lowered themselves down through the hole, keeping out of the mercanaries' views. All five were standing idly by, wholey unprepared for the hell that was about to rain down upon them.

Marceline hovered above a merc in one corner while Finn snuck behind one in the adjacent corner of the room. Both struck simultaneously. Marceline reeled back and made an underhand arc with her axe, colliding with the head of the unsuspecting mercenary as if she'd T-ed off a golfball. He flew a few feet away, then crashed to the floor out of commision. Meanwhile, Finn bashed the handle of his sword into his targets cranium, dropping him to his knees and then onto his face.

Unfortunately, these actions were none too quiet and had garnered the attention of the three remaining guards, who aimed their weapons and sprayed shots out at the undead intruders. Moving targets are hard to hit, but targets that are flying through the air toward you and wielding weapons are substantially more difficult to plug a bullet into. Marceline disarmed one guard with her axe, where as Finn had grasped onto the barrel another merc's gun, forcing it in the direction of the third remaining man as the weapon's weilder held down the trigger, spewing out hot lead which dropped the merc to the floor, leaving only two.

Still gripping onto the gun, Finn delivered a devastating elbow to the cloaked man's face. He couldn't tell for sure, but he thought he felt the merc's nose cave in behind his vail (which made Finn ashamedly hungry). Taking the rifle out of the hands of his fallen opponent, Finn tossed the weapon to Marceline who had backed the unarmed guard into a wall. With one hand she caught the weapon by its barrel and smashed it over her foe's head, splintering off the wooden stock in the process.

"Well that was a little harder than I thought it'd be. I think it's this monkey suit, it's throwing my mojo all out of whack." Finn commented while trying to adjust the constraining sleeves.

"You really don't have any room to talk about what you're fighing in, I'm wearing heels and a dress! You have any idea how hard it is to keep this thing covering me while I'm kicking butt? It's like this dress has a mind of its own and wants to come off every two minutes." Marceline told her case while pulling her top further up over her chest.

"I like the way your dress thinks." Finn said attempting to sound seductive.

"Finn, I know we're kind of alone-ish now, but this is hardly the time or place for talk like that."

"What? You get to talk that way to me all the time, then when I try sounding naughty it's not chill? This is sexism." he huffed poutily.

"It's totally chill Finn, just save it for the bedroom." she encouraged.

"I can't make witty remarks about your dress in the bedroom." he sighed.

"Why not?" asked Marceline, geniuinely confused.

"'Cause you're already out of the dress by then!" Finn's joke was met only with a very unamused face.

"Seriously, knock it off for now. We got to go find Billy and figure out who's behind all of this."

"Alright." he maoned, disapointed that his humor wasn't well recieved. They continued on until they arrived upon a large chamber with a green glow eminating from within. Inside the room they saw an unconscious Billy chained to a wall and a figure in a long black hooded robe standing on the other side of the Lich's well. In the robed figure's hand was the snail, who mockingly waved at the couple as they made their entrance.

"So you're the one behind all this, huh? And you don't think the robe is just a tad too cliche?" Marceline asked, addressing the mysterious person whom she figured to be the mastermind.

Instead of answering, the robed figure simply turned its hand over, dropping the snail into the bubbling liquids of the well.

"No! Do you know what you've just done!" shrieked Finn. "Seriously though, 'cause I don't. Is that like a big thing, the sail in the well?" He turned to Marceline who could only asnwer his inquiry with a shrug. Green vapors then arose from the volitile chemicle compound and lingered in a mist like sate above.

"So, obviously not being the most original villain, I suppose this is where you reveal your identidy and motives." said the queen, speculating the robed figure's next move.

"Like yeah," it spoke in a gruff masculine voice. "You lumping man stealer!" The robe was removed, revealing Lumpy Space Princess to be the one behind the plot.

"What?" the heroes both exclaimed in unison. Niether Finn nor Marceline had anticipated this tactically ruthless and well organized foe to be the spoiled princess of Lumpy Space.

"But why? Don't you know what the Lich is going to do?" Finn was baffled that someone he once considered a friend could do something so diabolically disasterous.

"Of coarse I do! He's gonn'a destroy stuff and kill people. Duh!" She answered arrogantly. "You broke my heart Finn, so I swore revenge on that cold hearted skank for stealing you away from me!"

"You best watch yo mouth bitch." Marceline snapped back sassily.

"Can it you undead hoe, I'm telling a story here! So anyways, with my Lumpy Space parents' money I hired those totally gross low lives to gather all the crud I needed to bring back the Lich. I made a totally sweet deal with him too. The Lich spares my little love muffin, so I can have him all to myself, and he can destroy the rest of Ooo. Especially you, ya blood sucking bimbo!" LSP pointed a chubby purple finger toward Marceline, clearing any doubt as to whom she was refering with her insult.

"Finn, I can kill her now, right?" Marceline growled, awaiting confirmation.

"Well I really don't think you should kill her..." he answered.

"I_ Shouldn't_, but I probably will anyway."

As the two vampires were arguing over how best to deal with the treacherous princess, the green mist had made its way to the sleeping giant and began forcing itself down Billy's esophagus.

**AN: LSP is really the punchline of the story. I don't know if anyone saw it coming, but she was really the only character from my last story that made sense. I suppose it could have been Bubblegum with similar motives, but I just don't think she's into Finn. Oh also, Blitzkrieg Bop is a song by The Ramones, just in case you didn't pick up on that earlier.**


	8. Not Such a Nice Guy Anymore

**AN: This is the second to last chapter of this story. Thanks to everybody who's supported this in any way.**

Chapter 9: Not Such A Good Guy Anymore

The sickly green vapor that had risen from the Lich's well had forced itself down Billy's throat. Once the last of the gasious tendrils found their way inside, the ancient hero awoke, but the eyes that opened weren't those of Billy's. The chains that bound the giant to the wall dissolved into nothingness freeing the enormous mass of muscles from where they were once held.

"Hey, Billy's awake!" shouted Finn, relieved to see that his heroic predecessor seemed uninjured. "Are you alright?" he asked as the giant approached them, however Finn received no answer. "Billy, what's wrong man?" The young hero seemed worried now. Billy wasn't responding, only making his way ever closer to the two vampires with a twisted grin contorting his face.

"You are no longer addressing the heor Billy, young one. You speak only to the Lich now." the deep and rapsy voice that Finn did indeed recognize as the Lich informed.

"Wait, what now?" Finn was having trouble comprehending the situation.

"I'm pretty sure the Lich is possessing Billy." stated Marceline as if unsure of the facts herself.

"Like, lumping duh! The Lich needed a better bod, so why not trade a snail up for a giant, especially the giant who kicked the Lich's butt? Gawsh you guys are slow on the uptake, like seriously! I didn't want to have to explain the whole plan, it takes all the fun out of it." LSP crossed her arms in annoyance and hovered her way over behind the Lich possessed giant.

"So then... Do we call him Billy or Lich?" asked Finn, attempting to decypher how to properly address the mound of flesh and magic.

Marceline thought for a moment, "I say we call him... Bich!" she said excitedly, obviously proud of her word play.

"Hahaha, yeah alright. He's totally Bich now." chuckled Finn, appreciating his girlfriend's witty banter.

"Enough! I will not tolerate your insults anylonger!" roared the Lich. "The Vampire Queen will die, and the young hero will suffer a fate far worse. Eternal enslavement to the lumpy one."

"Hey!" LSP interjected, "That stings. I mean I know you're evil and all, but you don't have to be mean." she huffed.

"I agreed to your tems only to fulfil my revenge! Although I must admitt that your plans for the boy are far more fitting than a simple death. Now be silent so I may claim my retribution." The Lich snapped back, but the princess stood firm glaring at her 'partner in crime.'

"Hey Bich, I got a secret for ya! Vampires are a lot like Steven Segal, we're hard to kill!" shouted Marceline preparing to attack. She raised her axe-bass and swung it down upon 'Bich.' However, before her blade made contact with any flesh, her weapon was halted. She was surprised to see it was Finn's sword that had blocked the blow. "What are you doing? You're suppose to be on my side!" she shouted biligerantly.

"I am Marcie, but we can't attack Billy, he's a good guy! He's on our side too!" Finn looked upon his girlfriend with pleading eyes, silently begging her not to harm the man he considered his mentor.

"I Know Finn, but we can't just let the Lich go. He'll destroy everything. I'm sorry, but this is the only way." she replied sorrowfully.

"There has to be another way, there always is!"

Marceline opened her mouth to respond, but before she could form any words, a calm deep voice emerged from the nearby giant's throat. "Not this time Finn. You have to end this now." Billy had momentarily regained controll of himself and was using his precious time to encourage the hero to do what needed to be done. "You have to do everything in your power to stop the Lich, you can't let him reach the surface. If you end me, you end the Lich." he said reasuringly.

"Billy, I can't do that to you man. I can't kill a good guy. I... I just can't." Finn lowered his head, now feeling utterly trapped. Choosing the saftey of Ooo over his own life was an easy decision, but how could Finn take a life he had no right to?

"I'm not such a good guy anymore... Do it." the giant pleaded, but then his essence was gone from his body once more leaving only the evil presence of the Lich in control. Taking the opertunity, the Lich swung a mighy fist, hitting both vampires and knocking them to the ground.

"Finn, are you 100% with me on this now?" asked Marceline rising to her feet.

"Yeah, I know what I gott'a do." he answered gloomily, readying himself to attack as well.

"Glad to hear it. Now c'mon, let's smack this Bich up!" Marceline charged in and took a swipe at the Bich who simply stepped back, but found that his new body wan't the most spry anymore. Marceline followed up with a kick to the gut which hit its mark, yet seemed to do little damage. A massive hand wrapped itself around the Queen's ankle and lifted her into the air upside down, but Marceline was soon released when her axe blade made its way into Bich's thigh. Seeing an opening, Finn moved in and slashed the calf of the giant's opposite leg. Now their foe was injured and seemingly less mobile, the queen and hero thought the battle was largely in their favor. However, Bich showed no loss of confidence as he chuckled to himself. The chuckling soon became hysterical laughter and all of what used to be Billy's body began to glow with an enigmatic green energy.

"You fools! You may slow this old body down, but even without the benefit of this giant's strength you stand no hope against my arcane powers!" snarled the Lich with the face that wasn't his own.

"Who writes your diologue? It's so horrible! I mean really can't you come up with something a little fresher than those tired old line?" asked the Vampire Queen, unimpressed by the Lich's display.

"You don't fear me, girl?" jeered the Lich. "Soon you will."

"Bich please, I've had stuffed animals scarier than you. Now let me high five your face- With my fist!" Marceline lunged at the glowing giant, but was hit by a blast of green magic. She fell to the cold stone floor half conscious. Finn quickly moved to help Marceline, but was swatted away by a six fingered meat glove.

"Now now boy, I need you intact for the lumpy one. Sleep peacefully while I take care of your queen." The Lich fired half a dozen or so blasts at the young vampire, knocking him out cold to ensure he wouldn't interfere. Once seeing Finn was in no state to fight back, the Lich took two steps towards Marceline who was still laying on the floor helplessly. He placed a massive foot on her stomach, picked her ax-bass from the floor and broke the wooden neck over his knee. The Lich disgarded the end still attached to the axe head and now held a very sharp piece of wood in one hand, which he pointed at Marceline's chest. "Do say hello to your father for me when you see him, would you?" whispered the Lich to his imobilized victim.

"You can tell him yourself, as you'll be seeing him shortly." rang a voice that the Lich didn't recognize.

"Who is bold enough to disturb the Lich, King of death?" he asked the arrogant man in a suit who was now stepping into the chamber.

"Oh, you mean me? I'm just Larry, but I feel a tad bit that you're stealling my gig. You see, it's a funny story really, I was suppose to destroy Ooo, and as you can see, I didn't. And if I didn't get to destroy it, you sure as hell don't." The god explained with a frown.

"You insolent slag! You have no right to speak to me in such a mannor!" yelled the Lich, turning his attention off of Marceline.

"Actually, I think you've got this a little backwards. Last time I checked, God outranks King!" Exclaimed Larry, extending his hands outward and setting the possessed body of Billy ablaze. The once towering being was reduced to dust within seconds, leaving only an echo of a scream as proof that the pile of ash was ever once a person. Marceline groggily stood up, meer feet away from where Billy and the Lich were incinerated.

"Nice job." she mumbled, rubbing the back of her head.

"Yeah it's all in a days work, and all that." Larry replied casually.

"So why'd you save us? I thought you don't like to get involved with these kind of things." she questioned suspiciously.

"Because I still care about you. And because I care, I want you to be happy. There's no one out there that makes you as happy as Finn does, so why don't you just say yes to the kid?"

Marceline was genuinely shocked. She'd never expected Larry to be so understanding, especially not with someone like Finn. "How do you know about his proposal though? Have you been spying on us?"

"No, you're both just easy to read... Or maybe it's the fact that I'm a god, I don't know." he shrugged. "Just say yes, 'cause there's really no one more perfect for you than that guy." he pointed to the unconscious vampire laying not too far away.

"Thanks Larry... I guess you're not a cold hearted douche bag after all. So, are we friends now?" Marceline asked, a little uncomfortable.

"Yeah, I guess so. Just don't keep calling me every time you need help. My paperwork's probably backed up for miles 'cause of this." he chuckled.

"Bye Larry." Marceline turned to go tend to Finn.

Larry opened a portal and set one foot inside, then turned back around and said "I better get an invitation to your wedding." before fully stepping into the other dimension and disapearing from view.

Marceline grabbed Finn and propped him up against the wall. While doing so, she felt something strange protrude from his chest. Curious, Marceline reached into the inside pocket of Finn's suit coat and pulled out a small purple velvetty box. A smile spread across her face as she opened it and peered at the beutiful ring inside.

"So, will you?" asked Finn suddenly, starteling Marceline who'd been unaware of when he'd awoken.

"Tell ya what kiddo, you promise me you'll start wearing pants and I'll marry you." she said, trying to hide the fact that she was almost overwhelmed with tears.

"Deal! If that's all I had to do to get you to say yes, I would have started wearing pants weeks ago." he said while pulling her into a warm embrace.

Marceline removed the engagement ring from its box and slipped it onto her left ring finger. "I guess it's official now, huh?" she asked while holding her hand up for Finn to see.

"Yup, we're getting married!" Finn excitedly replied to his fiance.

**AN: Not the end of the story yet! There's still an epilogue. It'll probably be up monday, 'cause I'll be bussy this weekend. Anyway, yeah Steven Segal seems like a pretty obvious reference (and his movie "Hard To Kill"). Also, "Smack My Bitch Up" is a song by the Prodigy.**


	9. Epilogue

**AN: This is the last chapter of this fic, but that doesn't mean it's the end of the story! I'm still thinking up ideas for another installment 'cause I feel like I can't leave it off here.**

Chapter 9: Epilogue

A few days had passed since Marceline and Finn (with a small amount of assistance from Larry) had defeated the Lich. Before leaving the cold and dank tunnels, the now engaged couple gathered the remains of what used to be Billy's body and had decided to give the fallen giant a propper funeral. Most of Ooo was in attendace, thousands of eyes watching from shore as the ashes were scattered out into the ocean (half for ceremonial tradition, half because the people of Ooo were afraid if they kept the ashes the Lich would attempt to come back a third time). The citizens silently gave their regards to the deceased, thankful for the great Billy's sacrifice.

It was strangely surreal and slightly disturbing for Finn, thinking of how his own fate could have been eerily similar a year ago. A hero dying to preserve the safety of the land, the idea was all too familiar. Luckily for Finn, Marceline was quick witted enough to find a loophole, allowing the young hero to remain in the land of the living even if he didn't quite fit in anymore. Billy wasn't as fortunate.

The hero and queen were officially credited for the defeat of the Lich, leaving out the involvement of Larry. The Elder God of Chaos who was set to slaughter them all just a year prior was now their true savior. The would be executioner preserving the land he was charged with destroying was a complicated grey area that the citizens shouldn't be burdened with. To the public, Larry was nothing more than the force of evil who's only desire was death and decay, which was the way it needed to be. To Finn however, he was the guy who saved everyone from the Lich and himself from LSP's unspeakably disturbing plans.

But he couldn't help but question if this man who saved everything Finn cared about could be classified as a hero. Does one good deed after an eternity of perceivably evil acts make Larry one of the good guys? Maybe he's just another villain who took out a rival. Who's to say who's really good or evil? When all is said and done, chaos is both and neither; an obscure, irrational and indistinguisable force of change. Finn and his brain determined that Larry was unclassifiable because it hurt to think so hard about ethics and morals when the answer isn't written in black and white. Trying to wiegh the actions of a god felt a lot like math to Finn, and he was never very good in that department.

The funeral was coming to a close now and most of the attendants were preparing themselves to leave. Condolances and thanks had been given and there didn't seem like there was much else to say on the matter for the time being, so the crowds dispersed, going back to wherever they had came. Only some Ooo royalty and the ones who knew Billy personally lingered behind. Finn and Marceline, dressed in the customary black, were among the numbers of those who'd chosen to stay, but they didn't feel like conversing with the rest of the funeral attendants (even if that included their freinds), so they found a vacant shady place under a tree where they could sit and talk without the need of their umbrellas.

"What do you think happened to LSP, with her disappearing and all? Did she run away?" asked Finn, concerned more for their own safety rather than that of the princess'.

"Yeah, probably." Marceline answered simply. "She most likely got her puple ass out of there the second the fighting started."

"Well, you think she'll be back? Ya know, for like, revenge or whatever." Finn envisioned a lumpy figure with a stake held in their hand floating over the vampires' bed while they slept.

"I hope so, 'cause I still want to rip her lumps off and shove them down her throat. Try to kill me and steal my man! I mean who does that? Expletive, other bad words, bleeping explative!" Marceline's voice was dripping with anger, but her mood softened when she felt two thin appendages wrap around her and squeeze her cold body close to one equally as cold.

"I thought you'd say something like that, although I didn't think you'd censor it." Finn laughed into her neck. "But seriously though, you can't kill her."

"Awwwe, come on." whined the queen. "Well can I at least beat the snot out of her?"

"I guess so, as long as we take her in after. She shoud still have a fair trial and all that, otherwise we could start a war or some junk." Finn said in his best serious voice.

"Between who? Lumpy Space and the vampires? There's no way those floating bags of gross juice would ever have the spine to stand up to _any_ kingdom of Ooo, let alone the vampires." she said, dismissing his logic.

"I think that's 'casue they don't technically have spines..." he smirked.

"You know what I mean." she pulled back out of his hug to look him in the face.

"I'm jsut saying, if we catch her, we should bring LSP down diplomat style. Anyways, so there's more vampires than just us?"

"Yeah Finn, I mean, 'Vampire Queen' would be pretty useless title if I was the only one to rule." Marceline replied.

"Hmmm... I guess that makes sense, but why haven't I seen any? It's 'cause they hate me, don't they?" he frowned, feeling rejected. Finn had always felt alone being the last human, but now he was a vampire and it hurt to know there were more of his kind out there yet they didn't seem to embrace him.

"No they don't hate you." Marceline sighed, "They don't even know you. You haven't seen any other vampires 'cause you've never been to the Vampire Kingdom." she explained.

"There's a kingdom? Like a whole place full of fang toothed vampire peeps just like us? That sounds totally rad!" he exclaimed excitedly.

"It's really not... Everyone there is pretty boring and miserable. It's probably 'casue the place looks so gloomy all the time. You'll see it when you become king though, they even have a stupid crowning ceremony and everything." She chuckled a little at the thought of Finn actually having to prepare a speech for his inauguration. He'd probably stumble over half the words if he didn't freeze up in front of the crowd. Maybe he could just wing it.

"Ya know, I've been a king before." he said matter of factly. "I don't know why you're so worried about me becoming one again."

"Because there's actually rules you have to follow when you're royalty. It's not like you can just do whatever you want because you're in charge. The people only respect you if you act a certain way. One is expected to conduct oneself in the propper mannor when royal." Marceline finished in an impersonation of a snudey and pompous highclass dame which made Finn laugh.

"But you don't follow the rules. Or even act very queenly for that matter." pointed out Finn.

"Yeah, when I'm not in the Vampire Kingdom. I know how to play my role when I'm being watched, but you don't... Not yet. I suppose I'll have to teach you all the propper king etiquette before you make yourself look like a total numbskull infront of all of our subjects."

Finn simply nodded his head, but in his mind he was dreading the fact that he'll actually have to _learn_ stuff. "I don't really want to be a king, but I do want to be married to you and it kind of comes with the territory. It's totally worth it though, I'm glad you said yes." Finn pulled his fiance in for another hug.

Marceline leaned in, wrapping her arms around him as well and gently whispered "Me too." before bringing her lips to his.

As the remaining mourners were just now leaving, with his queen still in his arms Finn reflected upon his most recent adventure and his second chance to be a king. The only thing Finn could really take away form this experience was that everyone, good, evil or other, gets a second chance. A young vampire proposed to his girlfriend once more, an evil king thought dead was freed for a second time, an Elder God recieved another chance to settle his differences with his ex, and a retired hero proved himself one last time. Even a spoiled and maniacal princess was fortunate enough to elude capture, granting her a second chance for revenge.

Finn took solace in the fact that no matter what he fails at or how badly he screws it up, this world seems generous enough to give him another opertunity to make things right.

**The End.**

**AN: Well I suppose that does it for this installment. Thanks for all the reveiws and favorites and such, they meant a lot. Now I suppose I'll probably write another one shot before continuing on with this series. **

**Hint hint. A certain Lord of Evil can't be too happy about his daughter marrying the hero who sent him back to the Night-O-Sphere during his last rampage.**


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